So you've been asked to be the best man. You said yes immediately — probably while hugging your buddy — and it felt amazing for about 48 hours. Then you realized: you actually have to write a speech. In front of people. Into a microphone.
Deep breath. You're going to be fine. This guide walks you through the entire process, from staring at a blank page to raising your glass with confidence. No fluff, no filler — just a practical roadmap that works whether you're a natural storyteller or someone who gets nervous ordering at a drive-through.
Step 1: Don't Start by Writing
This is the mistake almost everyone makes. They open a Google Doc, type "Ladies and gentlemen," and then freeze for three weeks.
Instead, start by brainstorming. Grab your phone, open a note, and dump every thought you have about the groom. Not full sentences — just fragments. Memories. Inside jokes. Moments. The time he locked his keys in the car twice in one day. The way he talked about his partner before they even started dating. The group chat message where he said, "I think she's the one."
Don't filter. Don't edit. Just dump. You'll shape this mess into a speech later, and it's a lot easier to sculpt something from a pile of clay than from nothing at all.
Step 2: Find Your Through-Line
Once you've got a big messy list of memories and observations, look for a thread that connects them. This is your through-line — the idea that ties your speech together and gives it meaning.
Maybe it's about growth: you've watched your best friend go from the guy who couldn't boil water to someone who meal-preps on Sundays. Maybe it's about loyalty: he's the person who showed up at 2 AM when you needed help, no questions asked. Maybe it's about fate: every dumb decision he ever made somehow led him exactly where he needed to be.
Your through-line doesn't need to be profound. It just needs to be true. Once you find it, everything else falls into place.
Step 3: Build Your Outline
Here's a simple structure that works for virtually any best man speech:
- The opening — Grab attention. Introduce yourself briefly. Set the tone.
- Your relationship with the groom — How do you know him? How long? Give people context.
- A story (or two) — The heart of your speech. Pick stories that are funny, revealing, and lead somewhere.
- The partner — Talk about what they bring out in him. What changed when they showed up?
- The sincere moment — Drop the jokes for a beat. Say something real.
- The toast — Close strong. Wish them well. Raise your glass.
You don't need to reinvent the wheel here. This structure has been used in thousands of great speeches because it works. It gives you a natural arc — humor early, heart at the end — and it makes transitions easy.
Step 4: Write a Rough Draft (and Make It Rough)
With your outline in front of you, start filling in the sections. Write like you're talking to a friend at a bar, not like you're writing an essay. Read sentences out loud as you go. If something sounds stiff or formal, rewrite it until it sounds like you.
A few guidelines for this draft:
- Keep stories short. One to two minutes per story, max. If a story needs a lot of setup, it's probably too complicated for a speech.
- Be specific. "He's always been there for me" is forgettable. "He drove four hours in a snowstorm to help me move into my first apartment" is not.
- Write transitions. The difference between a good speech and a great one is often just smooth transitions. A simple "But here's the thing..." or "That's actually how I knew things were different with [partner's name]" goes a long way.
- Don't write an intro for your intro. Skip "Webster's dictionary defines marriage as..." and "I've been dreading this moment." Just start.
Step 5: Know What to Leave Out
What you cut from your speech matters as much as what you keep. Here's what to avoid:
- Ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends. Not even as a joke. Not even vaguely. Just don't.
- Anything that happened at the bachelor party. What happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party. The wedding is not the exception.
- Inside jokes nobody else will get. If only two people in the room will laugh, it's not worth the silence from the other 150.
- Backhanded compliments. "I never thought he'd find someone willing to put up with him" might seem funny in your head, but it can land wrong — especially to the partner's family hearing it for the first time.
- Anything the groom has asked you not to mention. Full stop. If he said "please don't bring up college," respect that. Your friendship matters more than a punchline.
- Politics, religion, or anything divisive. A wedding reception is not the venue. Keep it universally warm.
When in doubt, ask yourself: "Would the groom be happy I said this?" If the answer is anything other than a clear yes, cut it.
Step 6: Edit Like You Mean It
Your first draft is going to be too long. That's fine — that's what first drafts are for. Now it's time to trim.
Read the whole thing out loud, start to finish. Time yourself. You're aiming for 3 to 5 minutes. Anything under 3 minutes feels rushed. Anything over 5 minutes and you're testing people's patience — especially the ones who haven't eaten yet.
Cut ruthlessly. If a sentence doesn't serve your through-line, it goes. If two stories make the same point, pick the stronger one. If a joke doesn't land when you say it out loud, it won't land in the room.
Then read it out loud again. And again. Each time, you'll find words to cut, phrasing to smooth, and moments that need a beat of silence instead of more words.
Step 7: Practice (But Don't Memorize)
There's a difference between being prepared and being rehearsed. You want to know your speech well enough that you can deliver it naturally, but not so well that you sound like you're reciting it from memory.
Here's how to practice effectively:
- Read it out loud at least 5 times. Not in your head — out loud. You'll catch awkward phrasing you'd never notice reading silently.
- Practice in front of someone. A partner, a roommate, a dog — anyone. The act of performing for an audience, even an audience of one, changes how you deliver.
- Use note cards, not a full script. Write bullet points for each section on index cards. Glance at them to stay on track, but don't read word-for-word. Eye contact matters.
- Mark where to pause. Pauses are your best friend. After a joke, pause to let people laugh. Before the sincere moment, pause to let the tone shift. Silence is powerful — use it.
Step 8: Nail the Delivery
The day has arrived. You're in your suit, the champagne is flowing, and someone's about to hand you a microphone. Here's how to deliver:
Before you start:
- Eat something. An empty stomach plus nerves plus champagne is a bad combination.
- Limit the drinks. One or two to take the edge off is fine. More than that, and you're gambling.
- Have your note cards in your jacket pocket, ready to go.
When you stand up:
- Take a breath. Look around the room. Smile. You're allowed to take a moment before you start talking.
- Hold the mic close — about a fist's distance from your mouth. Most people hold it too far away and end up shouting.
- Speak slowly. Your adrenaline will make you want to rush. Fight that instinct. Slower than you think is exactly right.
During the speech:
- Make eye contact with different parts of the room. Not just the groom, not just the floor — scan.
- If you get a laugh, wait for it to finish before continuing. Talking over laughter is the number one mistake new speakers make.
- If you stumble or lose your place, it's okay. Take a breath, glance at your cards, and keep going. Nobody will remember a small stumble — they'll remember how you recovered.
The close:
- When you get to the toast, slow down even more. Make it count.
- Raise your glass. Wait for the room to raise theirs. Then say your final line.
- That's it. Sit down. Accept the applause. You earned it.
A Quick Checklist Before You're Done
Before you consider your speech finished, run through this list:
- Is it 3 to 5 minutes when read out loud?
- Does it have at least one moment that will make people laugh?
- Does it have at least one moment that will make people feel something?
- Have you mentioned the partner, not just the groom?
- Would the groom be happy hearing every single word?
- Have you practiced it out loud at least 5 times?
If you can check every box, you're ready.
Don't Want to Start From Scratch?
Writing a best man speech is a lot of work, and staring at a blank page is the hardest part. That's exactly why we built Toastly's speech builder — it asks you a few questions about the groom, your relationship, and the tone you're going for, then gives you a personalized draft you can edit and make your own. Think of it as a head start, not a replacement. Your stories, your voice, your speech — just without the blank-page panic.