You've been asked to give a toast at a wedding. Maybe you're the best man, the maid of honor, a parent, a sibling, or just a close friend who got the nod. Whatever your role, the feeling is the same: honored, excited, and mildly terrified.
Good news. Writing a wedding toast isn't about being a great writer or a natural public speaker. It's about saying something real about people you love, in front of other people who love them. That's it. The bar is sincerity, not Shakespeare.
This guide works for anyone giving a toast — any role, any relationship, any level of comfort with public speaking. We'll cover structure, what to include, what to avoid, how to deliver it, and a few examples to get you started.
Before You Write a Single Word
The biggest mistake people make is sitting down to write before they've done the thinking. Before you open a doc, spend some time with these questions:
What's your relationship to the couple? This shapes everything. A best man speech leans on friendship stories and humor. A maid of honor speech often carries more emotional weight. A parent's toast is about letting go and welcoming someone new. Know your angle.
What's one thing you want the room to feel? Not ten things. One. Laughter? Warmth? A lump in the throat? Pick a feeling and build toward it.
What's one story that captures who this person is? Not a summary of their life. One specific moment. The more specific, the more universal it feels. That's the paradox of good storytelling.
What's the vibe of the wedding? A backyard barbecue has a different energy than a black-tie ballroom. Read the room before you write for it.
Sit with these questions for a day or two before you start writing. The speech will come easier when you know what you're aiming for.
The Universal Toast Structure
Regardless of your role, this five-part structure works for almost any wedding toast. It's flexible enough to fit a two-minute toast or a five-minute speech.
1. The Introduction (15-30 seconds)
Tell the room who you are and how you know the couple. Keep it brief. If you're the best man, say so. If you're a college roommate, say that. One or two sentences.
What works:
"I'm James, the groom's older brother and the person who taught him everything he knows — though he'd never admit it."
What doesn't work:
"So, for those of you who don't know me, my name is James, and I've known David since, well, since he was born, obviously, because I'm his brother, and we grew up together in Michigan..."
Get in, establish the connection, and move on.
2. The Story (60-90 seconds)
This is the core of your toast. One story that reveals something true about the person — or the couple. It should be specific, visual, and make a point.
Good stories have:
- A scene. Where were you? What was happening? Paint it briefly.
- A detail. The small, specific thing that makes it feel real. Not "we went to dinner" but "she ordered two desserts and didn't share either one."
- A point. The story should say something about the person's character. Generous, loyal, stubborn, brave, funny — whatever quality you're highlighting.
You don't need to spell out the moral. If the story is good, the room will get it.
3. The Turn (30-45 seconds)
This is where you pivot from the past to the present — from your relationship with the person to their relationship with their partner.
The turn usually sounds like:
- "And then she met David."
- "I knew something had changed when..."
- "The first time I saw them together..."
This is where you say what you've observed. How did the person change? What did you notice? What does the partner bring out in them? Be specific. "They're so good together" is a conclusion. What you want is the evidence.
"I knew it was different when she started canceling our Saturday plans. And if you know Maya, you know she never cancels Saturday plans. But she'd get this look on her phone — this completely involuntary smile — and I'd think, okay. This one's real."
4. The Heart (20-30 seconds)
Now you say the sincere thing. Talk directly to the couple, or to one of them. Drop the performance. This isn't the part where you're entertaining the room. This is the part where you're talking to your person.
"David, you're the best man I know. Not because you're perfect, but because you try so hard to be good — to the people around you, to the work you do, to her. She sees that. We all do."
Keep it short. Two or three sentences, maximum. The shorter the sincere moment, the more it hits.
5. The Toast (10 seconds)
Raise your glass. Say one line. Done.
"To David and Maya — and to every Saturday plan they cancel together from here on out."
The toast should feel like a landing, not a runway. Don't add a second ending after the toast. Don't keep talking. Glass up, last line, drink.
The Dos and Don'ts
Do:
- Write it out. Even if you plan to speak from notes, write the full speech first. You need to know what you're saying before you can decide how much to memorize.
- Practice out loud. Reading silently and speaking aloud are completely different experiences. Words that look great on a page can feel clunky in your mouth. Read it to a friend, a mirror, or your dog.
- Time yourself. Aim for 2-4 minutes. Under two feels rushed. Over five and you're losing the room. Keeping it short is almost always the right call.
- Be specific. Specificity is what separates a forgettable toast from one people talk about at brunch the next day. Names, places, details.
- End strong. Your last 30 seconds are what people remember. Make them count.
Don't:
- Don't open with a joke you found online. "Webster's dictionary defines marriage as..." No. Start with something real.
- Don't mention exes. Ever. For any reason. Even if it's funny. Even if the couple says it's fine. It's not fine.
- Don't make it about you. You're in the story, but you're not the protagonist. The couple is.
- Don't get drunk first. One drink for courage is fine. Three drinks for courage is a disaster. Give the speech, then celebrate.
- Don't apologize. Don't start with "I'm terrible at public speaking" or "I'm so nervous." It doesn't help you, and it makes the audience anxious on your behalf. Just start.
- Don't read verbatim from your phone. Notes are fine — even encouraged. But keep your eyes up. The room needs to see your face.
- Don't try to be someone you're not. If you're not naturally funny, don't force jokes. If you're not a crier, don't manufacture emotion. Be yourself, amplified slightly.
Delivery Tips That Actually Help
Writing a great toast is half the battle. Delivering it is the other half. Here's what works:
Slow down. You will speak faster than you think. Nerves speed everyone up. Consciously slow your pace, especially during the emotional parts. Pauses are your friend.
Make eye contact. Not with one person the whole time — that's unsettling. But look up regularly. Look at the couple when you're talking about them. Look at the crowd when you're telling the story. Connect.
Hold the mic correctly. If there's a mic, hold it close to your mouth — about a fist's width away. Don't wave it around. Don't hold it at your chest. Close and steady.
Breathe. Before you start, take one full breath. During the speech, breathe at the ends of sentences. It sounds obvious, but nerves make people forget to breathe, and then their voice gets thin and shaky.
Don't rush the ending. The last line of your toast should be delivered slowly, with your glass raised and your eyes on the couple. Give the room a beat to respond before you sit down.
Example: Wedding Toast From a Close Friend
I'm Noor, and I've been close with Aisha since we were assigned to the same lab group in sophomore biology. She did all the work. I brought snacks. It was a perfect partnership.
There's a thing Aisha does that I've always admired. When she cares about something — really cares — she goes quiet. She doesn't announce it. She doesn't post about it. She just shows up, every single day, and does the work. I've watched her do it with school, with her career, with the people she loves.
When she started talking about Marcus, she went quiet. And I thought — oh. This is the real thing.
Marcus, what you should know is that Aisha doesn't choose people lightly. But when she chooses you, she's all in. You got the most loyal, most thoughtful, most quietly fierce person I've ever met.
To Aisha and Marcus — may your life together be everything you've quietly been building toward.
Example: Wedding Toast From a Parent
I'm not going to stand up here and pretend I'm not emotional, because I am. I've been emotional since she was born.
When Sophie was little, she used to make me practice her wedding with her in the backyard. I had to play every role — the groom, the officiant, the flower girl, all of it. She was very specific about the details. Some things don't change.
But here's what did change: the person she became. She grew into someone so much braver, kinder, and more capable than I could have imagined when she was bossing me around the backyard. And then she found Jack, and I watched her become even more herself.
Jack, you don't need my approval — Sophie certainly never asked for it. But you have it. Completely.
To Sophie and Jack. The real thing is so much better than the backyard rehearsal.
When You're Stuck
Writer's block with a wedding toast usually means one of two things:
You're trying to say too much. Cut your scope in half. You don't need to cover the whole friendship or the whole relationship. One story. One observation. One wish.
You're trying to be perfect. A perfect toast doesn't exist. A genuine one does. Lower the bar from "best speech ever" to "something true, said with love." That's enough. That's always enough.
Start Writing Yours
If you've read this far, you already care enough to give a great toast. The fact that you're putting in the effort means more than any specific word you'll say. If you want a head start, Toastly's speech builder will walk you through the process step by step — just answer a few questions about the couple, and you'll have a solid draft in minutes. From there, make it yours, practice it twice, and trust that the love in the room will do most of the heavy lifting.